The Dark Lord and the case of the tedious Dr. Blah Blah

Brunel University is not Disneyland. Or Disneyworld. Or even SeaWorld. When you go in, there’s no guarantee of eating too much junk food, being entertained and possibly even throwing up on someone else’s shoes. There’s also very little chance (probably) of being creeped out by Mickey Mouse at Brunel. Am I the only one who thinks he talks and looks like Michael Jackson, with the strange white gloves? What is with those gloves? It’s like he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t leave any fingerprints at the scene of the crime. Maybe he’s casing the joint! Who knows? Disneyworld beware! Anyway, I digress. The point is, that none of these things are going to happen at Brunel. And do you know why that is? Apart from the fact that it’s a place of learning, an institution of higher education, a meeting place for like-minded, driven individuals? It’s because Brunel University is bloody boring, that’s why. And of course, a boring university must, absolutely must, hire the most boring lecturers on the planet. Perhaps not even just on this planet. Maybe even on Venus and Mars too.

Enter Dr Blah Blah. I understand that some people who want to work at universities want to focus on researching obscure psychological matters that probably affect 0.0001% of the population. I understand that maybe they don’t actually want to lecture, it’s just one of the requirements to working there and getting their hands on money. What I don’t understand, is why the big bosses at the university don’t seem to realise any of this when lecturers are recruited (hired? Can you hire a lecturer/researcher, like a taxi?) Why can’t they see that some people were born to lecture, and some just…weren’t. Dr Blah Blah is one of those people who definitely wasn’t born to lecture. Lack of confidence, lack of charisma, lack of care? Who knows. All I know, and I’m sure the rest of the Lakes can attest to, is that having to spend 3 hours per week in Dr Blah Blah’s company is PAINFUL. There is no other way to adequately describe the experience. No way to be kind. It’s like pulling teeth without anaesthetic. 30 minutes into the lecture more than one of us is contemplating some sort of suicide/homicide pact with the other Lakes, praying for the midway break to come, or just trying to drown out the pain of a lecturer who cannot lecture. For their life. On the upside, we are not the only ones, as even normally studious students struggle to stay awake. Kathleen and I also reached the conclusion that boys (Hair Guy in particular) always have longer, prettier eyelashes than girls, and that was sort of research-y (in as much as it's research to sit and stare at half-asleep guys). So it's not like we didn't learn anything.

So, when I could literally not bear to listen for even one more second, I decided to draw a picture. It was that, or deciding my ballpoint pen was a feasible weapon to impale myself on, hopefully bringing about a swift death. Actually, at that point, I would have even taken slow and painful, as long as I got out of that lecture room. The comic strip shows us bored students, withering away under the hands of the evil Dr Blah Blah (who’s not really evil at all), potentially being saved by the boy wonder Harry Potter, and eventually being saved by our very own Dark Lord, Miss Emily. The noses and little background extras such as hats and suicide attempts were added by Kathleen, who is apparently now going by the names of ‘Me’. Yep, you read it here first folks. So, I am not exactly known for my art skills, but seeing as this picture was a form of therapy, don't judge me too harshly please. I hope you enjoy my vision of the future...

“The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom,” Arthur Schopenhauer

Love, Lalita xxx